You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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