took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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