I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
