I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
