first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
