I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
