I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
