Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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