Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
