I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
