I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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