dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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