We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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