Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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