Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I could fuck to npr.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
