yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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