She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
is that a dick in a sweater?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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