I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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