I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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