I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
