I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
