yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
