After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
