Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
