Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
