I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
