Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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