that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
