I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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