based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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