Ambien. No doubt about it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
