I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
