I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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