Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
