remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize