I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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