worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
