I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
