i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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