When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize