a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
