A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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