Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
