I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize