i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
