I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
