Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You are the jesus of drinking
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
