Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
