College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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