i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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