Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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