some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
