Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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