Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
