im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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