vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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