This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
