Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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