Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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