Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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