bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you win again, gameday.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So vagazzling was a success
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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