I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
