yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
