If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
