I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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