We won't sleep together?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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