it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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