what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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