so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
