i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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