At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
