I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
