Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
